"What matters is not that we do all we might have done or all we dreamed of doing, but that, while we live, we live by faith in future grace and walk in the path of love. The times are in God's hands, not ours"
- John Piper, Taste and See
Sometimes, I just wonder where the time goes.
For the first time in a long time, today I looked at a calendar, and realized my super-anticipated summer of a lifetime was quickly hitting it's halfway point? Since when did that happen? Oiy... there's so much I want to learn yet.
Because frankly, I haven't exactly been always making the best of it.
Okay, so the trip here in the Philippines thus far has been incredible. After all, I've been experiencing the culture to the prime, especially in all things food related. I've been meeting lots of people and seeing lots of things, but...
Once again, the "but" has filtered its way in.
Maybe I should start this off a little differently. See, as of late, I have actually moved host families. As I mentioned before, all 5 SMP'ers - Eric, Karlynn, Kelly, Nicole, and myself - had been placed in different host families in the area. The idea was that we were also supposed to make HIV/AIDs presentations in highschools in each of these towns as well. Thing is... my host family was more or less a last minute find, seeing as how my entire Philippines-direct was rather spontaneous. On one hand, the my family was perfect. Trisha could speak amazing english, as well as her aunt, Ate Tes. The whole family was just so kind to me, and it was fantastic having a few younger children around. However, the location of the family's house was not exactly ideal. While we were waiting to be allowed into the highschools during our 10 day "quarantine" for H1N1, the team was practicing our HIV presentations each day in a different town. That, plus various other scheduled and not-scheduled activities led to a lot of running around from town to town. There are several problems with this:
- San Pablo is the furthest from the other towns of Los Banyos, Calamba, Calauan, and Pila.
- Trisha's family does not even live in San Pablo, but outside of it, near a small town called Delores... which, is in technically in the next province.
- SMP'ers, particularily those of the female gender, are under no circumstances allowed to travel alone, even if they be a 20 year old taking a 15 minute jeepnie ride that they have taken many times before
- Trisha is still in highschool, and since this is the beginning of their school year, she is in school while I need to be traipsing around the countryside. Since I cannot go alone, someone - often one of 3 or 4 possible volunteers living nearby - must be available to escort me from place to place. Much of the time, this would be one of the boys living down the road who has finished college (here, much younger, since they start college at age 16) but is not able to speak English.
- Many times, our events go till late. Well, sort of late. Let's just say, late for this country, where the place is up and busy by 5 am. And since Delores is so out of the way, no jeepnies ride out to Trisha's place past 7 pm. Or maybe it's 6:30....
Either way, I actually ended up staying a lot in Calauan, with Karlynn's family, because when we had to be in Calamba or wherever earlier in the morning, it only made sense, since Calauan was more central. However it was getting to the point where I would always pack some extra clothes, because I had absolutely no idea where I would be spending the night. I know they're not much for schedules here, but... living by the minute was the only way possible, and being prepared to be unprepared.
As exciting as that may seem, I must point out that after awhile, this can get... er... tiring. I'm not going to bog down into the depths of despair in blogging, but never knowing where you're going to spend the night until an hour before, or WHATEVER, is very hard.
Several times, I was told that I might be moving to a different place in San Pablo. This time, in the city, so that I could at least get home at night. And while a few possibilites rolled around, for about a week and a half, there was no permanent place nor time for moving.
And so I continued to pack extra underwear in my bag each morning.
Finally, Karlynn's family offered their home to me permanently, so after a few more days of waiting until I could get back to Trisha's house for my things (thanks to a typhoon and a few other unscheduled things), I moved into the Bernardino home. I now live with Paster Ver, Ate Marianne, Grace and Joy (age 20), Michelle (age 16), Karlynn, a European shower head, and flushing toilets. Life has taken a turn, yet again.
All of this actually feels like a lot more in real life than on a blogged computer screen. As I continued to try and live inside this culture of ambiguity, I couldn't shake the thoughts I'd had before coming to the Philippines: God has a reason for bringing me here. He has a special purpose for me, a special lesson to learn, and I was excited to find out what that was.
Thing is, I think I was trying so hard to find that purpose, that reason, even when I knew I may not see it any time soon. All I kept thinking was, "Why? Why God? Why am I here?" And then with the setback of work in the schools because of H1N1 scare, I just began to question things even more. At the orientation meeting for HIV/AIDS awareness, the 5 of our team was joined by local youth from each of our churches and cities. Together we are led by Ate Gladys, a missionary here, Ate Myra, a member of HIV grouping, and Ate Lem, from CRWRC. Together, they make up the Red HAT (HIV/AIDs team) leaders. Thing was, at this orientation, nearly the whole thing was in Tagalog... a language that I don't happen to speak. All I kept thinking was, not only why I was here, but why was our team even here? Yes, almost all classes in highschool are taught in English, but that fact is, is that all understand their native tongue much better. I couldn't understand half of the orientation, and if the presentations were to be made in highschools by us and our peer educators (aka the local youth from the churches), what good would we be? We couldn't say much, so why were we even here? How could a bunch of english speaking white people help anybody here at all?
To be honest, I'm still not sure that I can completely answer this question. In fact, I know that I can't. But before I even begin, here's some other information on our presentations.
For about the past week or so, we have now begun our work in the schools. This was already helping. Up till now, it had been all fun and adventure, trying new things. I didn't feel like I was on a mission trip. I felt like I was on vacation... but I hadn't paid for it, and it wasn't the reason I had come here for.
But as I said, we have begun our presentations. We work a lot with the peer educators of each church, especially each "escort" aka nanny that each SMP'er brings with them each time they go anywhere and ride public transportation. These people are great, and tons of fun to work with... it just takes a lot out of your North American independance to have to follow another around everywhere, especially if they're younger than you. North Americans are treated like china, and females are the finest of the fine. We are their "responsibility" - which, as much as we hate it, is for our own good... it's just hard to swallow.
ANYWAY... back to the presentations (can you tell I haven't had internet for a while?) the presentations are basically 90 minutes (usually more) with a mix of drama, personal testimony from an HIV positive, and a number of stations, all with the purpose to bring the awareness of HIV/AIDs to a country with growing numbers of positive testing. I won't go into too much more detail right now, but the SMP team and our main peer educators are at each highschool - sometimes public, sometimes Chrisitian (by the way, public is pretty much Christian because of the Catholic religion that dominates even the government here in the Philippines), while we meet up with a few of the local youth from each area as we attend to their local schools.
And how has this been going thus far? Well, fantastic. Really. It's fun, it's innovative, the kids are really responding and loving the presentations, and there's a lot of interest into what we're doing, and getting involved.
This brings me back to a little bit of the reason why we, the SMP team, are here.
We are, as Ate Gladys says, what gets the ball rolling. They have wanted to do awareness in schools for awhile, but plans never got off the ground. Once an SMP team was in place, things (somewhat) began to happen. Plus, if you recall, white people are a bit of an unusual find in the Philippines. When we arrive at the school, it's not just a matter of staring. We are, in short, celeberties. On one hand, I want to resisit this. I don't want to be considered any higher, or more special than any Philippino or Asian. But BECAUSE we are white (and I still feel mixed about this) we attract a lot of attention to our group, and our cause. Not only do faculties and adults pay us more attention, but the kids go crazy. Besides asking for email addresses, autographs, and photos with all of us, they see us and what we have to say. They respect our work, and even want to get involved and be a part of the team themselves! And this, is the purpose of our team. We won't be here forever to go on giving presentations in schools. That's why we work with peer educators and local youth, so that they can continue the work that we start, and "spread HIV awareness" all around the Philippines, beginning here in the province of Laguna.
Pretty cool? Majorly. Does it take away all of my questions and feeling of ambiguity? Absolutely not. But Piper spoke well when he wrote about what matters most... and it doesn't have naything to do with our own plans.
In the meantime, we have visited schools in all of the areas except for Los Banyos. Each has gone absolutely fantastic, with more and more interest at each school. Tomorrow, the team will take a bit of a turn for 10 days or so, and head to Bicol (spelling is probably COMPLETELY wrong), where I believe we will see some more sights, let some pastors know how our work is doing, and see some other different kinds of disaster relief work here in the Philippines. That may seem like a kind of random, shaky schedule, but actually... that's the best one I've had so far.
When we come back, we'll be presenting 4 times in Los Banyos (think just over 90 minutes each... and they start school at 7 am... = tiring). And then....?
Other random adventures:
- SMP team and peer educators went to Tagaytay (I'm TOTALLY butchering the spelling) where there is the volcanoe Taal (ditto).... we walked up to see the island withing the volcano, within a lake... super amazing. It was very hot, but we got some fantastic pictures, and we jumped off our return boat into the lake... the most incredible swim of my life
- I have learned to cut a pineapple in the most extraordinary way... the best way. And I cannot wait to show off my skills
- I have also been continuing to eat any number of Philippino foods, though most have been somewhat normal, I suppose. There are far too many for me to remember at this point unfortunately, and of no help to my lack of Tagalog.
- There are times of work and lessons, and there are times of play... a bunch of us went with some youth from Calamba and Calauan to watch "Transformers" in theatres (fun... but always brings me back to the question of why I'm here....).
- Also, the youth introduced us to their karaoke pool parties.... basically, you are not considered a Filipino until you have sung to karaoke... or however that word is spelled.
- Tonight, the SMP team taught some of our new friends the amazing game of chubby bunnies, and they had quite a bit of fun. For once, they had to succumb to our culture's games and weird food. Needless to say, they will not be eating any marshmallows for awhile.
And so this endless novel will finish for a time... unfortunately, it is very late here, but I have not had internet for quite a while, and tomorrow we leave for Bicol by 4:30am... May those precious hours of sleep last as long as possible...
Continuing to feel your prayers as I live out my life here for God in the Philippines. Hope all is well with each and every one of you.
- John Piper, Taste and See
Sometimes, I just wonder where the time goes.
For the first time in a long time, today I looked at a calendar, and realized my super-anticipated summer of a lifetime was quickly hitting it's halfway point? Since when did that happen? Oiy... there's so much I want to learn yet.
Because frankly, I haven't exactly been always making the best of it.
Okay, so the trip here in the Philippines thus far has been incredible. After all, I've been experiencing the culture to the prime, especially in all things food related. I've been meeting lots of people and seeing lots of things, but...
Once again, the "but" has filtered its way in.
Maybe I should start this off a little differently. See, as of late, I have actually moved host families. As I mentioned before, all 5 SMP'ers - Eric, Karlynn, Kelly, Nicole, and myself - had been placed in different host families in the area. The idea was that we were also supposed to make HIV/AIDs presentations in highschools in each of these towns as well. Thing is... my host family was more or less a last minute find, seeing as how my entire Philippines-direct was rather spontaneous. On one hand, the my family was perfect. Trisha could speak amazing english, as well as her aunt, Ate Tes. The whole family was just so kind to me, and it was fantastic having a few younger children around. However, the location of the family's house was not exactly ideal. While we were waiting to be allowed into the highschools during our 10 day "quarantine" for H1N1, the team was practicing our HIV presentations each day in a different town. That, plus various other scheduled and not-scheduled activities led to a lot of running around from town to town. There are several problems with this:
- San Pablo is the furthest from the other towns of Los Banyos, Calamba, Calauan, and Pila.
- Trisha's family does not even live in San Pablo, but outside of it, near a small town called Delores... which, is in technically in the next province.
- SMP'ers, particularily those of the female gender, are under no circumstances allowed to travel alone, even if they be a 20 year old taking a 15 minute jeepnie ride that they have taken many times before
- Trisha is still in highschool, and since this is the beginning of their school year, she is in school while I need to be traipsing around the countryside. Since I cannot go alone, someone - often one of 3 or 4 possible volunteers living nearby - must be available to escort me from place to place. Much of the time, this would be one of the boys living down the road who has finished college (here, much younger, since they start college at age 16) but is not able to speak English.
- Many times, our events go till late. Well, sort of late. Let's just say, late for this country, where the place is up and busy by 5 am. And since Delores is so out of the way, no jeepnies ride out to Trisha's place past 7 pm. Or maybe it's 6:30....
Either way, I actually ended up staying a lot in Calauan, with Karlynn's family, because when we had to be in Calamba or wherever earlier in the morning, it only made sense, since Calauan was more central. However it was getting to the point where I would always pack some extra clothes, because I had absolutely no idea where I would be spending the night. I know they're not much for schedules here, but... living by the minute was the only way possible, and being prepared to be unprepared.
As exciting as that may seem, I must point out that after awhile, this can get... er... tiring. I'm not going to bog down into the depths of despair in blogging, but never knowing where you're going to spend the night until an hour before, or WHATEVER, is very hard.
Several times, I was told that I might be moving to a different place in San Pablo. This time, in the city, so that I could at least get home at night. And while a few possibilites rolled around, for about a week and a half, there was no permanent place nor time for moving.
And so I continued to pack extra underwear in my bag each morning.
Finally, Karlynn's family offered their home to me permanently, so after a few more days of waiting until I could get back to Trisha's house for my things (thanks to a typhoon and a few other unscheduled things), I moved into the Bernardino home. I now live with Paster Ver, Ate Marianne, Grace and Joy (age 20), Michelle (age 16), Karlynn, a European shower head, and flushing toilets. Life has taken a turn, yet again.
All of this actually feels like a lot more in real life than on a blogged computer screen. As I continued to try and live inside this culture of ambiguity, I couldn't shake the thoughts I'd had before coming to the Philippines: God has a reason for bringing me here. He has a special purpose for me, a special lesson to learn, and I was excited to find out what that was.
Thing is, I think I was trying so hard to find that purpose, that reason, even when I knew I may not see it any time soon. All I kept thinking was, "Why? Why God? Why am I here?" And then with the setback of work in the schools because of H1N1 scare, I just began to question things even more. At the orientation meeting for HIV/AIDS awareness, the 5 of our team was joined by local youth from each of our churches and cities. Together we are led by Ate Gladys, a missionary here, Ate Myra, a member of HIV grouping, and Ate Lem, from CRWRC. Together, they make up the Red HAT (HIV/AIDs team) leaders. Thing was, at this orientation, nearly the whole thing was in Tagalog... a language that I don't happen to speak. All I kept thinking was, not only why I was here, but why was our team even here? Yes, almost all classes in highschool are taught in English, but that fact is, is that all understand their native tongue much better. I couldn't understand half of the orientation, and if the presentations were to be made in highschools by us and our peer educators (aka the local youth from the churches), what good would we be? We couldn't say much, so why were we even here? How could a bunch of english speaking white people help anybody here at all?
To be honest, I'm still not sure that I can completely answer this question. In fact, I know that I can't. But before I even begin, here's some other information on our presentations.
For about the past week or so, we have now begun our work in the schools. This was already helping. Up till now, it had been all fun and adventure, trying new things. I didn't feel like I was on a mission trip. I felt like I was on vacation... but I hadn't paid for it, and it wasn't the reason I had come here for.
But as I said, we have begun our presentations. We work a lot with the peer educators of each church, especially each "escort" aka nanny that each SMP'er brings with them each time they go anywhere and ride public transportation. These people are great, and tons of fun to work with... it just takes a lot out of your North American independance to have to follow another around everywhere, especially if they're younger than you. North Americans are treated like china, and females are the finest of the fine. We are their "responsibility" - which, as much as we hate it, is for our own good... it's just hard to swallow.
ANYWAY... back to the presentations (can you tell I haven't had internet for a while?) the presentations are basically 90 minutes (usually more) with a mix of drama, personal testimony from an HIV positive, and a number of stations, all with the purpose to bring the awareness of HIV/AIDs to a country with growing numbers of positive testing. I won't go into too much more detail right now, but the SMP team and our main peer educators are at each highschool - sometimes public, sometimes Chrisitian (by the way, public is pretty much Christian because of the Catholic religion that dominates even the government here in the Philippines), while we meet up with a few of the local youth from each area as we attend to their local schools.
And how has this been going thus far? Well, fantastic. Really. It's fun, it's innovative, the kids are really responding and loving the presentations, and there's a lot of interest into what we're doing, and getting involved.
This brings me back to a little bit of the reason why we, the SMP team, are here.
We are, as Ate Gladys says, what gets the ball rolling. They have wanted to do awareness in schools for awhile, but plans never got off the ground. Once an SMP team was in place, things (somewhat) began to happen. Plus, if you recall, white people are a bit of an unusual find in the Philippines. When we arrive at the school, it's not just a matter of staring. We are, in short, celeberties. On one hand, I want to resisit this. I don't want to be considered any higher, or more special than any Philippino or Asian. But BECAUSE we are white (and I still feel mixed about this) we attract a lot of attention to our group, and our cause. Not only do faculties and adults pay us more attention, but the kids go crazy. Besides asking for email addresses, autographs, and photos with all of us, they see us and what we have to say. They respect our work, and even want to get involved and be a part of the team themselves! And this, is the purpose of our team. We won't be here forever to go on giving presentations in schools. That's why we work with peer educators and local youth, so that they can continue the work that we start, and "spread HIV awareness" all around the Philippines, beginning here in the province of Laguna.
Pretty cool? Majorly. Does it take away all of my questions and feeling of ambiguity? Absolutely not. But Piper spoke well when he wrote about what matters most... and it doesn't have naything to do with our own plans.
In the meantime, we have visited schools in all of the areas except for Los Banyos. Each has gone absolutely fantastic, with more and more interest at each school. Tomorrow, the team will take a bit of a turn for 10 days or so, and head to Bicol (spelling is probably COMPLETELY wrong), where I believe we will see some more sights, let some pastors know how our work is doing, and see some other different kinds of disaster relief work here in the Philippines. That may seem like a kind of random, shaky schedule, but actually... that's the best one I've had so far.
When we come back, we'll be presenting 4 times in Los Banyos (think just over 90 minutes each... and they start school at 7 am... = tiring). And then....?
Other random adventures:
- SMP team and peer educators went to Tagaytay (I'm TOTALLY butchering the spelling) where there is the volcanoe Taal (ditto).... we walked up to see the island withing the volcano, within a lake... super amazing. It was very hot, but we got some fantastic pictures, and we jumped off our return boat into the lake... the most incredible swim of my life
- I have learned to cut a pineapple in the most extraordinary way... the best way. And I cannot wait to show off my skills
- I have also been continuing to eat any number of Philippino foods, though most have been somewhat normal, I suppose. There are far too many for me to remember at this point unfortunately, and of no help to my lack of Tagalog.
- There are times of work and lessons, and there are times of play... a bunch of us went with some youth from Calamba and Calauan to watch "Transformers" in theatres (fun... but always brings me back to the question of why I'm here....).
- Also, the youth introduced us to their karaoke pool parties.... basically, you are not considered a Filipino until you have sung to karaoke... or however that word is spelled.
- Tonight, the SMP team taught some of our new friends the amazing game of chubby bunnies, and they had quite a bit of fun. For once, they had to succumb to our culture's games and weird food. Needless to say, they will not be eating any marshmallows for awhile.
And so this endless novel will finish for a time... unfortunately, it is very late here, but I have not had internet for quite a while, and tomorrow we leave for Bicol by 4:30am... May those precious hours of sleep last as long as possible...
Continuing to feel your prayers as I live out my life here for God in the Philippines. Hope all is well with each and every one of you.
"Why am I here?"
ReplyDeleteThese questions always gives us an itch. It's like "why should I look back?" and find your neck inching and aching to really look back.
I like to believe that the "aching feeling of turning back" allows us to be more intimate and dependent on Him. We may or may not find the answer in the end, but learning to lean on God is probably one of the best things we can learn from new experiences.
And it's a good thing that we always ask "why's".
So if you ask me, "Why am I here in the Philippines?" I'd say, "God wants to hug you, and kiss you, and bless you. He wants you to lean on Him and love Him more."
Magandang gabi!
Oh, Lisa . . . I will say that, at least in part, you are where you are precisely BECAUSE you are the type of person who wrestles mightily with these questions.
ReplyDeleteNot at all trying to sound hokey, but I totally thought of Jesus when you talked about not knowing where you were going to sleep the next night. You are walking in His footsteps as the One who had no place to lay his head. There has to be a lesson in dependency there somewhere . . .
And finally . . . what if you are there not to "do", but to learn, and to just BE? And so you went to a movie . . . but you were experiencing a very relational culture, and learning more about your peers and hosts.
Blessings as your journey continues . . . we can't wait to see what God is going to do through all of you!
Lorraine
(for the "home team")
Hey my lisa bean!! hope all is going well!! Your in my thoughts and prayers!! LOVE YOU!!
ReplyDelete