A blog of Ambiguities... (or however that's spelled...)

"What matters is not that we do all we might have done or all we dreamed of doing, but that, while we live, we live by faith in future grace and walk in the path of love. The times are in God's hands, not ours"
- John Piper, Taste and See

Sometimes, I just wonder where the time goes.

For the first time in a long time, today I looked at a calendar, and realized my super-anticipated summer of a lifetime was quickly hitting it's halfway point? Since when did that happen? Oiy... there's so much I want to learn yet.

Because frankly, I haven't exactly been always making the best of it.

Okay, so the trip here in the Philippines thus far has been incredible. After all, I've been experiencing the culture to the prime, especially in all things food related. I've been meeting lots of people and seeing lots of things, but...

Once again, the "but" has filtered its way in.

Maybe I should start this off a little differently. See, as of late, I have actually moved host families. As I mentioned before, all 5 SMP'ers - Eric, Karlynn, Kelly, Nicole, and myself - had been placed in different host families in the area. The idea was that we were also supposed to make HIV/AIDs presentations in highschools in each of these towns as well. Thing is... my host family was more or less a last minute find, seeing as how my entire Philippines-direct was rather spontaneous. On one hand, the my family was perfect. Trisha could speak amazing english, as well as her aunt, Ate Tes. The whole family was just so kind to me, and it was fantastic having a few younger children around. However, the location of the family's house was not exactly ideal. While we were waiting to be allowed into the highschools during our 10 day "quarantine" for H1N1, the team was practicing our HIV presentations each day in a different town. That, plus various other scheduled and not-scheduled activities led to a lot of running around from town to town. There are several problems with this:
- San Pablo is the furthest from the other towns of Los Banyos, Calamba, Calauan, and Pila.
- Trisha's family does not even live in San Pablo, but outside of it, near a small town called Delores... which, is in technically in the next province.
- SMP'ers, particularily those of the female gender, are under no circumstances allowed to travel alone, even if they be a 20 year old taking a 15 minute jeepnie ride that they have taken many times before
- Trisha is still in highschool, and since this is the beginning of their school year, she is in school while I need to be traipsing around the countryside. Since I cannot go alone, someone - often one of 3 or 4 possible volunteers living nearby - must be available to escort me from place to place. Much of the time, this would be one of the boys living down the road who has finished college (here, much younger, since they start college at age 16) but is not able to speak English.
- Many times, our events go till late. Well, sort of late. Let's just say, late for this country, where the place is up and busy by 5 am. And since Delores is so out of the way, no jeepnies ride out to Trisha's place past 7 pm. Or maybe it's 6:30....

Either way, I actually ended up staying a lot in Calauan, with Karlynn's family, because when we had to be in Calamba or wherever earlier in the morning, it only made sense, since Calauan was more central. However it was getting to the point where I would always pack some extra clothes, because I had absolutely no idea where I would be spending the night. I know they're not much for schedules here, but... living by the minute was the only way possible, and being prepared to be unprepared.

As exciting as that may seem, I must point out that after awhile, this can get... er... tiring. I'm not going to bog down into the depths of despair in blogging, but never knowing where you're going to spend the night until an hour before, or WHATEVER, is very hard.

Several times, I was told that I might be moving to a different place in San Pablo. This time, in the city, so that I could at least get home at night. And while a few possibilites rolled around, for about a week and a half, there was no permanent place nor time for moving.

And so I continued to pack extra underwear in my bag each morning.

Finally, Karlynn's family offered their home to me permanently, so after a few more days of waiting until I could get back to Trisha's house for my things (thanks to a typhoon and a few other unscheduled things), I moved into the Bernardino home. I now live with Paster Ver, Ate Marianne, Grace and Joy (age 20), Michelle (age 16), Karlynn, a European shower head, and flushing toilets. Life has taken a turn, yet again.

All of this actually feels like a lot more in real life than on a blogged computer screen. As I continued to try and live inside this culture of ambiguity, I couldn't shake the thoughts I'd had before coming to the Philippines: God has a reason for bringing me here. He has a special purpose for me, a special lesson to learn, and I was excited to find out what that was.

Thing is, I think I was trying so hard to find that purpose, that reason, even when I knew I may not see it any time soon. All I kept thinking was, "Why? Why God? Why am I here?" And then with the setback of work in the schools because of H1N1 scare, I just began to question things even more. At the orientation meeting for HIV/AIDS awareness, the 5 of our team was joined by local youth from each of our churches and cities. Together we are led by Ate Gladys, a missionary here, Ate Myra, a member of HIV grouping, and Ate Lem, from CRWRC. Together, they make up the Red HAT (HIV/AIDs team) leaders. Thing was, at this orientation, nearly the whole thing was in Tagalog... a language that I don't happen to speak. All I kept thinking was, not only why I was here, but why was our team even here? Yes, almost all classes in highschool are taught in English, but that fact is, is that all understand their native tongue much better. I couldn't understand half of the orientation, and if the presentations were to be made in highschools by us and our peer educators (aka the local youth from the churches), what good would we be? We couldn't say much, so why were we even here? How could a bunch of english speaking white people help anybody here at all?

To be honest, I'm still not sure that I can completely answer this question. In fact, I know that I can't. But before I even begin, here's some other information on our presentations.

For about the past week or so, we have now begun our work in the schools. This was already helping. Up till now, it had been all fun and adventure, trying new things. I didn't feel like I was on a mission trip. I felt like I was on vacation... but I hadn't paid for it, and it wasn't the reason I had come here for.

But as I said, we have begun our presentations. We work a lot with the peer educators of each church, especially each "escort" aka nanny that each SMP'er brings with them each time they go anywhere and ride public transportation. These people are great, and tons of fun to work with... it just takes a lot out of your North American independance to have to follow another around everywhere, especially if they're younger than you. North Americans are treated like china, and females are the finest of the fine. We are their "responsibility" - which, as much as we hate it, is for our own good... it's just hard to swallow.

ANYWAY... back to the presentations (can you tell I haven't had internet for a while?) the presentations are basically 90 minutes (usually more) with a mix of drama, personal testimony from an HIV positive, and a number of stations, all with the purpose to bring the awareness of HIV/AIDs to a country with growing numbers of positive testing. I won't go into too much more detail right now, but the SMP team and our main peer educators are at each highschool - sometimes public, sometimes Chrisitian (by the way, public is pretty much Christian because of the Catholic religion that dominates even the government here in the Philippines), while we meet up with a few of the local youth from each area as we attend to their local schools.

And how has this been going thus far? Well, fantastic. Really. It's fun, it's innovative, the kids are really responding and loving the presentations, and there's a lot of interest into what we're doing, and getting involved.

This brings me back to a little bit of the reason why we, the SMP team, are here.

We are, as Ate Gladys says, what gets the ball rolling. They have wanted to do awareness in schools for awhile, but plans never got off the ground. Once an SMP team was in place, things (somewhat) began to happen. Plus, if you recall, white people are a bit of an unusual find in the Philippines. When we arrive at the school, it's not just a matter of staring. We are, in short, celeberties. On one hand, I want to resisit this. I don't want to be considered any higher, or more special than any Philippino or Asian. But BECAUSE we are white (and I still feel mixed about this) we attract a lot of attention to our group, and our cause. Not only do faculties and adults pay us more attention, but the kids go crazy. Besides asking for email addresses, autographs, and photos with all of us, they see us and what we have to say. They respect our work, and even want to get involved and be a part of the team themselves! And this, is the purpose of our team. We won't be here forever to go on giving presentations in schools. That's why we work with peer educators and local youth, so that they can continue the work that we start, and "spread HIV awareness" all around the Philippines, beginning here in the province of Laguna.

Pretty cool? Majorly. Does it take away all of my questions and feeling of ambiguity? Absolutely not. But Piper spoke well when he wrote about what matters most... and it doesn't have naything to do with our own plans.

In the meantime, we have visited schools in all of the areas except for Los Banyos. Each has gone absolutely fantastic, with more and more interest at each school. Tomorrow, the team will take a bit of a turn for 10 days or so, and head to Bicol (spelling is probably COMPLETELY wrong), where I believe we will see some more sights, let some pastors know how our work is doing, and see some other different kinds of disaster relief work here in the Philippines. That may seem like a kind of random, shaky schedule, but actually... that's the best one I've had so far.

When we come back, we'll be presenting 4 times in Los Banyos (think just over 90 minutes each... and they start school at 7 am... = tiring). And then....?

Other random adventures:
- SMP team and peer educators went to Tagaytay (I'm TOTALLY butchering the spelling) where there is the volcanoe Taal (ditto).... we walked up to see the island withing the volcano, within a lake... super amazing. It was very hot, but we got some fantastic pictures, and we jumped off our return boat into the lake... the most incredible swim of my life
- I have learned to cut a pineapple in the most extraordinary way... the best way. And I cannot wait to show off my skills
- I have also been continuing to eat any number of Philippino foods, though most have been somewhat normal, I suppose. There are far too many for me to remember at this point unfortunately, and of no help to my lack of Tagalog.
- There are times of work and lessons, and there are times of play... a bunch of us went with some youth from Calamba and Calauan to watch "Transformers" in theatres (fun... but always brings me back to the question of why I'm here....).
- Also, the youth introduced us to their karaoke pool parties.... basically, you are not considered a Filipino until you have sung to karaoke... or however that word is spelled.
- Tonight, the SMP team taught some of our new friends the amazing game of chubby bunnies, and they had quite a bit of fun. For once, they had to succumb to our culture's games and weird food. Needless to say, they will not be eating any marshmallows for awhile.

And so this endless novel will finish for a time... unfortunately, it is very late here, but I have not had internet for quite a while, and tomorrow we leave for Bicol by 4:30am... May those precious hours of sleep last as long as possible...

Continuing to feel your prayers as I live out my life here for God in the Philippines. Hope all is well with each and every one of you.

To eat, or not to eat...? And more news from the Philippines

Just a little update while I have some internet time...

First, let me apologize in advance for any Filipino spelling that I have already or am going to spell incorrectly... it's really not that easy you know :)

Second, a couple more observances while in the Philippines:
- honking the car horn is second nature to these people, and a sign of warning, not rudeness.... I can only imagine the havoc such vicious noise to such an extent would cause in North America
- there are dogs and cats absolutely everywhere... and apparently also rats the size of cats, although I have yet to see such ROUS's.... (see the Princess Bride)
- an umbrella is your lifeline. During rainy season, it keeps you dry, during dry season, it keeps you cool from the sun. Never in my life have I seen so many umbrellas

And finally, for the most exciting news of all... I have eaten balot, a WHOLE balot. Karlynn, one of the SMP team members, had a birthday yesterday, so the rest of us all came to a party that her host famliy held. And there.... only there... were we offered this Filipino delicacy of half-grown duck cooked in the egg shell. I have pictures, oh I have pictures... but such does not give it justice. And just so you know, there is quite the process for how you eat it: First, you tap the top of the shell, just enough so that you can suck out the fluids (FLUIDS!). Then, after peeling the rest of the shell, you just... well... dig in. And don't be fooled, you can TOTALLY tell that what you are putting in your mouth is a baby duck. Of course, some are more developed than others, but I refused to look down while eating it, so I can't tell you how far along my own was. As for the taste... ok, so it wasn't terrible. Just tastes like some sort of meat and egg, since you can't really taste the baby feathers, but... while it may just be "all in the head", it is VERY much stuck in there, and can create quite the visuals as you munch on....

I also had some pig ear and some "innards", but such seems lacking compared to the balot...

ANYWAY... today I will be helping out at a Christian school for a little bit of a different experience. And for the next few days, I think I'll stick with mangoes, pineapple, and an abundance of rice.

Jeepnies, chicken feet, and cheese ice cream...

I am HERE!!!!

Wow... for any of you adventurous folks planning to make a trip to the Philippines any time soon... please be prepared for a couple of days for some very long flights. Leaving Calvin college at four thirty or some other early hour last monday that I can't exactly recall, Nicole and I headed out to the airport. From Grand Rapids, we flew to Minneapolis, Seattle, Tokyo, and then Manila, the Philippines. What with the 12 hour time change and some stop overs that were a few hours long, it was two days of travelling once we met up with the three others from the Philippines team at the airport (because Nicole and I were late additions, we couldn't get the same flight as the others, but we only arrived an hour or so apart). Once we were all cleared with health forms without any swine flu, it was almost clear sailing getting into the country. Unfortunately, I think Nicole and I were subjected to pay a few more American dollars for our last minute VISA than should have been, but.... well, at least we're here :)

The first two nights were spent at a university dorm guest house in Los Banyos. We arrived there by 2 am, so our first thoughts in the country were only of sleep. The next morning, however, we were introduced to some true humid weather of the Philippines. To put it simply, it is very hot, and very humid here... my hair never dries but goes from washed wet to greasy dry... not my favourite, but I think I'll survive. After a bit of touring of the town, playing some ulitmate frisbee with some of the locals, we got to ride a jeepnie....

Now... what is a jeepnie exactly? It's one of the main modes of transportation here, and its kind of like a mini bus with bench seats along the inside, and you just squeeze as many people as you possibly can into it and hold onto very dear life. What with the constant crazy traffic of bikes, people, and jeepnies, such is only necessary. The other way to get around is by a motor tricycle. It's a motor bike with a side car... with a very low roof. And for those who don't know, Filipino people are much smaller... much smaller... than the above average dutch female like myself. If my white skin and blonde hair did not attract attention enough, my height only adds to it.

Now all 5 of the members are living with separate host families from the different CRC churches in the area. (the majority of the Phil. is Roman Catholic, but there are about 5 or 6 or so CRC churches in this particular area... which is Laguna) I am near San Pablo, living with Trisha, a 16 year old who lived in the USA for 3 years, but came back to live with her aunt and uncle in the Phil. recently because she can finish school quicker here... where you start university at age 16. Nearly everyone hear can understand and speak fairly good english, especially Trisha, because they must learn it in school. However, the language in this area is Tagalog, and many are a little nervous to speak English to someone who speaks it better. In fact, it's a regular joke that if someone's English is too good or too fast to understand, they say "Oh, my nose is bleeding, my nose is bleeding!"... Needless to say, I've caused many a bloody nose since my arrival.

Here, when you meet people who are older than you, you give them a formal name. All females are "Ate...", and all males "kuya..." For example, I call Trisha's aunt "Ate Tess". It actually means "sister Tess", and this is the way that you always refer to people unless you are older than them, or the same age. Living with Trish is her aunt and uncle, her grandmother, and her three cousins... alll under age 6, and they're absolutely adorable. I'm so glad I still get the chance to spend some time with children. The family is extremely kind, and they do whatever they can to care for me, even with their simple housing facilities. They do not have internet at their house, but I am at an internet cafe here in town, and hopefully I can get a chance to come here once a week or so.

And now, for the food....
I have many things to try, and have tried many delicious (or not) new things so far, but here's a list of some...
- fresh FRESH pineapple sold from street vendors (ok, it's not a new thing, but it's soooo sweet, and they cut and peel it right there...)
- cheese and vanilla twist ice cream... yep, that's right. Many of you know my ice cream love affair... and this has topped it all. Even in Quebec with over 40 flavours of soft ice cream, I have NEVER seen cheese with vanilla.... (and yes, I took a picture.!)
-rice, rice, and more rice. Once again, this is not new, but to have it at all meals IS new :)
- buko pie... it's a pie with the meat of green coconut, and VERY good
- and, of course... chicken FEET! very... interesting. They boil it, then marinate it in spicy vinegar and cook it over the fire on a stick. You bit the toes than spit out the bones... and yes, you can still tell that you're eating a foot. It was quite an experience, I'll telll you....
- I'm still not sure if I can eat balot or not, but we'll see.... (by the way, balot = baby duck still in egg....)

Some other observations about the Philippines since being here:
- EVERYONE texts... even the beggars on the streets have cell phones, they are so cheap. Most houses don't have internet or a land line phone, but cell phones are practically given away
- America was here... KFC and Macdonald's abounds, but there's also JollyBee's, a Filipino fast food chain, that makes some very interesting and sweet-tasting spaghetti.
- once again, the traffic, is CRAZY... it's just all jeepnies and tricycles. Most people don't have cars and never learn to drive unless they do so for public transportation
- Filipino people are extremely kind and hospitable. Of course, it doesn't seem so nice when people always stare at the colour of my skin, but they are just curious... it just takes some getting used to. Everyone here has beautiful jet black hair and various degrees of tan skin... some more Asian, some more Indian, some more native.
- here, there is no such thing as a "sporty girl" We had a sportsfest playing tug of war, volleyball, sack races and the like with all the churches, and I think that my Canadian team mates and I were the only firls who did not carry a mirror and comb with us at all times. Then again, for us the sweating never stops, so such grooming doesn't seem worth it.
- I will always appreciate North AMerican bathrooms. Here, no sink, no flush, no bath. A Filipinop bath means a dipper bath. You just pour a dipper of water over you to rinse, and the water just goes down the drain. Same dipper to flush the toilet, and unfortunately, usually not tp... (yeah, pocket kleenex!) Of course, it's just a matter of getting used to it, and everything they do here is more than efficient for what needs to be done. Besides, dipper baths are much nicer because the cold water cools you down after a long, hot day :)

Anyway, that's just some thoughts about this wonderful country of 7000 plus islands... my team was supposed to begin work today, going to highschools and informing them about HIV/AIDS (it's not bad like in Africa, but it's getting worse, and many people don't understand it), but because of the H1N1 scare, which is a big deal here, we must wait until we have been in the country for 10 days before entering the public schools. We had information training with Filipino youth from our churches on Saturday, but this week we'll just have to keep busy with our make-up-as-you-g0 schedule with some touring and practicing for our talks.

Oh yes, and yesterday I attended my first church serivice in the Philippines. In San Pablo, the songs were in English, but unfortunately, the sermon was not. I still enjoyed the relaxed, yet passionate atmosphere... even with only a few fans for cooling.

And thus far the annals of my Philippine learning adventure. Some days are harder than others, not knowing the language (though I'm trying to learn what I can), trying to travel from place to place, and not knowing what we're doing each day... but it's all in the making!

Can't wait to see what God can do with me and teach me on this trip....

A Change of Plans

I can't believe that it's only a matter of days before I make my way across the Pacific for two months in the Philippines... the Philippines?? Not exactly my original plans.

For the last few months I've been preparing for what I anticipate to be one of the most incredible experiences of my life. I had been accepted into the Summer Missions Program of CRWM to spend 2 months in Niger, Africa. It was the perfect missions opportunity: learning African culture, practicing my French, and working with children in an orphanage in the city of Niamey. The team would be a party of two, myself and, unexpectedly, an old friend from highschool. But...

There's always a "but" in these stories.

Well, God sent a message and said He had other plans for us.

Last Thursday, we found out that the political situation in Niger is far ffrom stable, and without going into the details, things just weren't safe. At the time, there were no definite changes, but my friend and I were given the option of joining the Philippines team should Niger not work out. For awhile, things died down, and Niger still seemed to be the plan, but (there's that word again) once we arrived in Grand Rapids for our pre-field orientation, a few more events in Niger decidedly called off the missions trip.

Disappointed? No lies, I am. Yet in the end, it's a good thing God's in control of this world, and not me. And you know, I'm not sure whether or not I would've decided to go to the Philippines on my own, had the Niger option closed down earlier.

I was always saying how I was preparing to see and learn how God works in the African culture of Niger. Well, God's in the Philippines just like He is in Canada, and in Africa, and there must be something pretty incredible to learn there. I know God's got a reason for His incredible plans, and frankly, I'm quite excited to find out all about it. :)